Challenges in the Philippines

No one has heard from me and that is not because I have been ignoring people. I have a credit card and it expired in April. They mailed the credit card to my US address and would not mail it to my Philippines address. I asked my ex husband to send it to me and he said that he never received the card. It blocked me from receiving the money.

I had to set up a Philippines paypal account which would not work with out a debit card. I tried 6 banks and I finally found one that worked this week to allow me access to my money. I have been unable to contact people because here the phones and the Internet are prepaid which means you have to have money to access them. I will have a permanent Internet with some help from a family I met where I live.

Life is funny as I had given up hope because I really had no friends here and the few friends I did have were not in touch with me much. They had been working, and just living their lives and did not answer my texts. I felt funny asking them for help and had not been talking to them much.

I have a crooked agent for my apartment who has been taking the owners money and not repairing things and trying to get rid of me since I found a way to complain about her. In the Orient agents represent the owners of a unit that you rent. She was not giving me proper receipts so I paid the property manager which made her upset. She showed up and threatened to clamp me out of my apartment even though she had been present and knew that I had paid properly. He gave her the money in front of me and a receipt that I had paid him.

The money problems then started because of not having access to the pay pal funds, and I just started to starve. I did not have money to do much of anything and the only thing that saved me is that I had started a bank account that had some pesos in it. I could not afford to get on the Internet or charge my phone with time which is what they call a load here.

The couple had not seen me for about 2 weeks because I was just starving in my apartment and unable to do much of anything. The agent had the neighbors harassing me that she had renting from her. I did my normal prayer and just figured that if God wanted this to happen I had at least finished the major part of my work. They showed up and brought me food, and let me use the Internet where I could get some things straightened out.

My website is back up and I have to reset everything but life is a great deal better for me. I still have a great deal to do including 9000 emails and I can not access my nita@astralhealer.com mail account at the moment. Please use ashirahickok@gmail.com. I am also having problems with my Facebook so it will be straightened out in a few days. I had things set up for the Filipino Paypal but it did not work with the banks and it has taken me 6 banks to get it straight. So life has challenges and I ask that you forgive me for not being in touch and I will get in touch with everyone.

Purification

"The beginning is purification, that's the first step. And purification means purification of body and mind. You don't purify the body without cleansing the mind; that's the way it works."

-- Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE Purification means different things to different people. Purity is a concept for the marriage and in women in Judaism and the Muslim religions. Christianity has it where you are a good woman. All of them indicate a standard of behavior that has been forgotten. I am a woman that thinks of a man as a person someone to love and have fun with in my life. Enjoyment of companionship and trusting the man is very important. Yet how has this been perverted in daily life? Why do we think of things differently. It is because we are shown standards of behavior and action by movies and TV. People forget this is entertainment and for amusement purposes only. Who would watch a good woman or pure woman's life unless they are fighting for some cause or standing up for themselves. It would be so boring it would not make good entertainment. People of the fifties enjoyed that sort of TV and everyone nowadays makes fun of the old shows. I used to love Easyriders as a movie. Yet I watched it a few years ago and had to laugh. I had to think did we really talk that way all of the time? No wonder it drove our parents crazy. I loved motorcycles and started to ride one after I left home. Everyone else had a sexual revolution and I had more of a personal freedom revolution. I was made fun of because I was so innocent and most 15 year old knew more about sex than I did. I had been kissed once at 18 and that was it. Life has happened to me and I know more now. Yet I still am that innocent girl in my mind loving men and thinking of them like they are just so wonderful. Now men have thoughts of women as being knowledgeable and think they know as much as what people used to call whores. No one thinks of men and women in the same way. Our thoughts are perversions in many ways. Most of the stuff we do should be saved for that special person. I can see having fun but how do we do it. Is it like I am a sex machine and can tear their heart out or is it they are wonderful and I love them. People in the US and other places will make fun of religious women and people who do not put out and do things their way. I always believe that each person decides for themselves. If you want to have purity of thought you have to look at how you treat others. How you think of men or women. Using anyone for sex, money or other actions is not the purpose of marriage. The love, the thinking they are wonderful and just seeing them as themselves is the way to live in truth. I would never have sex with a married man, never pervert anyone else's relationship or cause cruelty to them in anyway. Yet others try to force you into being what they want you to be. They try to lie and people love the most dramatic best lie or they would not watch TV. Lies always try to overwhelm the truth of what people are in their lives. Being strong and enduring. Being your own person and living in truth is what life is all about even with the mistakes and things we blame ourselves for in our lives. We are all sons and daughters of God yet we are here to face and endure from our life challenges. It is how you deal with life that makes you a person of purity.

Trying to Laugh at Life

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” 
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

I always go all the way when I try to do something. Right now I am laughing at myself because classical belly dancing exercises are easier to do than paint my fingernails. I should have tried to learn that when I had good eyesight and steadier hands. Yet I keep going and do not quit.Who could have known?

It is the same way with my work. I do weird stuff and set off everyone's weird stuff O'meter. My clients are afraid to tell me what they are experiencing because everyone else has made fun of them and they feel so isolated. Many times it just helps them to have someone to talk too that is not making fun of them so they can relax and work out solutions.

I do not really tell what I do because of the ways I have been mocked, put down and isolated by people who have mistaken perceptions about what I do. The things I deal with are scary and no one including me wants them to exist in anyone's life. Yet when it happens the mockers make fun of the people who have me help them.

I feel I am a servant of God. I could do nothing with out God allowing it and helping me. Yet people always try to claim I am evil if they have no knowledge of what I do. I have to study the evil things to know how to ask divine energies to remove them. I have that knowledge and learned the hard way how evil others can be. I try to show my love of God by doing this and letting him be the judge and release. I try to do the right thing and be the right person.

Yet there is always mockery and isolation. People do not understand or care. It teaches you how to endure and like yourself. I always say that I will stand before God to tell him about my life and that I made mistakes. Yet I try all the way to be a person that will not be embarrassed to say what I do and how I acted to God. It keeps me safe.

The only way I can release and let go of the things that evil people or things have caused in my life is laughter. I have to have a sense of humor or this work would drive me crazy. I may be crazy any way according to normal standards but I can laugh about that also. At least I am an interesting crazy. None of this bang my head on the wall type.

I am functional in this world and I know that the way people act at times is all according to their own actions and agendas. They are jealous so try to destroy someone. They are hateful and lost someone in their life and try to make it so no one will ever have that person again. They try to destroy others, and ruin them because they are envious and can not do what the other person does. They are greedy and steal when they can get the same thing through God with out having to do anything wrong.

Yet I can still laugh and so should everyone else. Think about how ridiculous some of these things are in our lives. Who would have thought classical Belly Dancing exercises would be easy for a woman who has had bad bones? I must be more flexible than I ever thought possible. I thought painting fingernails was easy and it is the thing I can not do right. So laugh at yourself's and love yourself'. Dance with joy for the adventures of life after all there are other people on those park benches. Other people being mocked, and other people being isolated. You do not have to stay in those places if you laugh at yourself and endure to get out of the things you never thought you could endure.

Being Free

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.”
― Rumi

The dance of life is always hard to do. Life can break you open. It can test you to your deepest core. Others judge your inner core by their belief's and try to make it so you fit into their mental box for you. We are never free when we try to accept others by our own belief's. We trap ourselves into controlling life and God.

Tearing the bandage off is like pulling off the scab where it hurts again. We do this in our lives by living in past hurts and pain. We grieve and wear our sorrow like a bandage because life is not the way we want it to be. Our hopes and expectations were not met. We grieve as if we are able to control our lives and it is not us but divine will and our choices that shape what we do and where we go.

We go where we are needed, and dance in the middle or our battles in the dance of life. The ins and outs, the ducks, the hits and misses. The times we have failed and the times we have done right.  We dance in our own blood when we hurt so bad and still try to stay living because God still wants us here. We keep fighting because we know there is a purpose to us being here.

We may not be anyone special or seem to do things right but we are a beloved one of God. All of us are special and all of us are sons and daughters of God who yearn for our father. Yet a father has to be rough on his children to get them to understand what he is teaching them at times. People hate us, and we hate them. We forget about love for ourselves and others.

We are stereotyped to be judged by others who never get to know us. We are treated with bigotry, judged by our sex, and dance in the pain of our life and our blood. We have people not like our country so they do not like us. They do not like our religion or are so inflexible we are judged by our beliefs. We are never accepted as what we truly are the sons and daughters of God who are trying to find their Father.

The freedom happens when we realize we have always had what we are searching for but never knew how to reach God. The freedom is knowing his love is there no matter what happens in our lives. We are all loved no matter who or what we are. After all God's freedom is living in his love not trying to control our lives.

Death is not the ending

"The journey to the Spirit World is a long one, my friend. But when you die, that doesn't mean that this is the end."
-- —Buddy Red Bow, LAKOTA 

Everyone is afraid of death. Everyone has heard jokes about dying and phrases such "May you be dead for a week before the devil finds out you are gone." that is Irish. A friends comment there is only one way out of life and everyone dies. I have quit breathing myself and had to be brought back to life when I was a child and drowned in the ocean. I traumatized my cousin who said that he would never take me to the ocean again unless my father taught me to swim. I have had my moments recently where I caught a deadly disease MRSA and submitted myself to the will of God and felt he saved me.

I have been a psychic since I was a child. Everyone tries to make you fit into what they perceive as normal. You are told in many ways that you are not seeing things because no one else is sensing them. It is easier on people who are psychic now in some ways as they say they are special. I did not have that benefit when I grew up. It is always a tight rope to walk as you perceive people and things differently. You have to analyze that and make up your own dictionary of explanations. It is like being a trail blazer as there are no rule books or dictionaries telling you what your symbolism and perceptions really mean. You can only read what other people experienced, analyzed and found explanations for their symbols and it does not mean you are the same.

I have been a searcher for years trying to perfect myself and be closer to the divine. I see angels, and demons. I see people as beautiful colors, tunes and melodies and have done so since I was a child. It either means that I have opened up psychic talents which changes my perceptions or I am psychotic as that is what hearing voices is all about in this world. Everyone who has ever been a Saint or spiritual leader would have a good time if they put them all in the same place. I do not include myself in that category but I believe the key word here is functional. Do you have talents and are able to function in life, and rational. Do you function in this world. Are those talents from God because they will bring you good, save you, and make it so you can live in truth. If they are through ego and personal power and not the divine they will only bring you grief even if you get life going perfect. Nothing defies the divine.

Yet the same themes run through out every religion. You die and there is a reward and you get to be with the divine or reborn. In Christianity and Judiasm it is not so much reborn as you have a chance to set your mistakes right. Purgatory is probably the same as the bardo and other places where the dead go to in different religions. It is just shaped differently. Yet death is not the ending and I feel that people need to understand the wonder of it all.

Everyone gets a second chance to correct what they have done wrong in every religion. You get to look at and perfect yourself with an eternal immortal soul that has a choice to live again or come back in spirit. You have a kind loving energy you are in with none of the worries of the world. You are seeing the eternal souls of others you have known and it is beautiful. People are terrified of it as if they will be tortured and punished. Yet in every religion you can turn to the divine and be restored and forgiven where nothing bad will happen to you. You may need to do a great deal of work to perfect yourself but you still are not tortured. You judge yourself and your hell is what your mind puts you through for your own judgements.

So why are people hurt, killed, murdered and harmed every day because of being a nationality, sex, race, or because of greed and jealousy. I do not know as I am not God but I believe it is because of how we make choices in our lives. Each choice puts us in a different vibration, pattern of energy, and level of energy. Bad choices mean that we learn whether those energies are right for us or not. Evil people who love those energies have the challenge of doing something good for others.

The mind of the divine is incomprehensible and no one can understand it. Yet it forms patterns in our lives, matrix's of energies. So once all these patterns and energies come together in a flow it makes it so evil can counterbalance the good flows since this world has dual natures. Evil wins when good people act against their nature and our bigots, hateful and do bad things to others. It mean that humanities choice is what brings us the things we draw to us. I hope to see the Messiah born because we make this place a home for him. Buddha coming back, and all the things that bring spirituality alive.

Yet I am just one of those people with different perceptions and you have to decide what you are and if you want to bring all of this into your life.