My 61st Birthday

I'm amazed. When I was 40, I thought I'd never make 50. And at 50 I thought the frosting on the cake would be 60. At 60, I was still going strong and enjoying everything.
Gloria Stuart.


I have thought many times that I would never make it another ten years just like Gloria Stuart. I wondered if I would ever make it to 50 because I was having health problems but figured I would enjoy my life and live my life. Not sit there and worry about dying. I felt the same way when I turned 60. 

Wow I made it to 60. It was my first thought and since I was away from friends and family that I would treat everyone to a good party so all the neighbourhood could enjoy it. I had fun and made sure everyone had fun also. I have now made it to 61. Do I feel 61-no. I am doing belly dancing and Tae Boxing and feel better than I have felt in years.

I found that the way to have a quality life is not to let other people try to make you miserable. You have to live your life and enjoy the beauty in the world. Love the people who are your friends and not care if they are not perfect. I have always felt a wonder for the things I see and having that joy in life is more important than how you live in my opinion.

Everyone is capable of making fun or being cruel to others. I want the people who love life and others. 

Taking up Life

Elder's Meditation of the Day - August 30 "I started drinking more seriously, seeking refuge, seeking death actually, from a world that was feeling more and more unnatural to me. Following a painful accident related to drinking, I finally realized that I must decide whether I want to follow my grandparents or truly take up this life. Circumstances that followed led me to choose life." -- Barney Bush, SHAWNEE I read this and it hit home to me. I have so many clients that have something happen where their souls do not want to be on this earth. Some of them take up drinking and others just take up hiding from life. They can be abused by their family and friends and wonder why life is so much suffering. Denial is a keyword here because you can tell that Barney Bush had an accident related to drinking. I have lived in a small town and have seen so many people who keep drinking after DUI's and they hurt others. Yet the drink is more important to them than their own life. It is more important than family, a job, or anything else in life. They are trying to drown their pain and their unhappiness. They always think of the times when they were drinking as the only times that they had any fun. They can not drink for years and yet the times when they were drinking are what they think of and mention. Sometimes you can leave the drinking but never quit being a drunk. I feel the same way about drugs, and now I have a way to try to help. Trauma or something happening that a person can not deal with causes this. Yet people do have a chance. They can each day find one thing they love and say Thank you to God, Allah, Buddha or whom ever that they worship. Loving yourself and doing things like loving kindness meditation where you send love to yourself will help. Realizing that many people are cruel because they are miserable and just not listening will work for most people. Taking responsibility for yourself and knowing that you can not blame your life choices on anyone else. Finding your true self never happens at the bottom of a bottle or in drugs. They are used to numb you so you do not feel things intensely. Knowing your true self is something that helps you to love yourself, and grow as a person.

Nothing Happens Quickly

"The best teachers have shown me that things have to be done bit by bit. Nothing that means anything happens quickly - we only think it does."

-- Joseph Bruchac, ABENAKI. I saw this quote and saved it. I always hear everyone ask how fast will you be able to do this? How quickly can I heal? How soon will I receive the package. The whole world tries to make everything go quickly. In spiritual circles it is promises of your whole life changing with one seminar or webinar. One session with this person for XXX will change your life forever. It can happen but the reason it happens is we have progressed in our work or our life to get things done quickly. The person who wants things to travel quickly uses a special services because life has taught him this way works. The person who wants to heal fast may have been ill for most of his life. Yet he still has the hope that things will fix themselves with out his work on the situation many times. The person who has chronic illnesses and does not ask this will be in a work or endurance program to make themselves well. We are the person that has to fix things so they get better. It means that if exercise helps we do exercise. If we are allergic to something but love it anyway we do not eat it. I have friends who are gluten sensitive but love doughnuts, Friends who are lactose intolerant but drink milk and eat ice cream. They find ways to do this but it is because they want to do it. It is hard to work upon ourselves as we are told so many things by so many different people. Self-help is one of the biggest markets on the internet. Spiritual self-help is great also and being able to fix yourself yet some times all of us needs guidance and ways to heal from others. A good doctor makes someone feel better than they have in years but they still have to quit the bad things that made them ill. A good teacher can show someone something that changes their lives but it is just part of the puzzle. Solving our puzzles with others helping us and our helping them is what life is all about in this world.

Love

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.
Rumi 

How many of us can describe what true love feels like. We have expectations of Love, obsessions about the people we love. Disappointment because we do not know what love is and try to impose all these conditions on the ones we love. We can live with someone for years and find out that they are going through the motions and do not care. We learn to care about others after we have lost them and know all the good things we could have said if we had not been to busy ignoring what the person really was in our lives.

We can love our friends and find that our friends are our true love. Many people like that feeling when you first meet someone. You think how wonderful they are because you do not realize how loud they snore. Yet that person is still the same person you fell in love with but you have imposed your restrictions upon them.

We can grow in love or grow apart. Yet growing apart does not mean you cease to love that person it just means you want to do different things and act in a different way. Others we love can make us be people we do not want to be. How does this happen? It is because we get stuck in the past and how we consider people act to others. We all had the examples of our parents on how you love others. Some of the examples are great and some need some work.

Yet the beauty and wonder of love is shown by flying towards a secret sky. Beloved can also mean what we are to the divine. The wonder of the others beauty can cause a hundred veils to drop as we try to drown ourselves and satiate ourselves in the physical beauty and love of others.

Letting go of life means we let go of the past and how we act like our examples of love. It means just loving a person with out restrictions and caring for them. Stepping forward with out feet means love is scary. You care so much for someone and hope they will love you back.

Yet all of us need love including the love for ourselves. I hope all of you find your true love and have your true love to hug after reading this post. Affection and hugs makes life worth while.

Self-Rejection and Identity-Love yourself

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ... [My dark side says,] I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

I have had this happen in my life and many others lives. The people I help have rejected themselves and any way that others would call them beloved. The rejection not only includes rejection by the divine forces that they believe in but feeling they are not worthy of divine love, personal love and personal happiness. Everyone has times where they not only reject themselves and what they are but reject the divine forces that call them beloved.

We all have our inner sacred voice that tells us what the divine feels for us. I know that I have had rough times and I will never forget a meditation I did because it made me cry. It was a meditation to see myself as the divine saw me. I just cried because I had never had anything think that much of me including myself.

I have found that walking strong no matter what others say is the only way to live. Why should we accept what they say and reform ourselves if it is obviously something we have never done. Accusations are just that ways to make others feel bad. I have seen others accused of things that they never did just so someone else can be blamed for problems.

It is a trap to reject ourselves and our true nature.

Solfeggio Harmonics and LIfe

I enjoy listening to some of the videos on You Tube. I have a down loader to put the videos on the computer so I do not get the interruptions. I downloaded some free videos and figured that I would enjoy listening to them while I wrote up some new prayers and methods for my clients.

I did really good because I did not hear any distracting sounds. I have a screen door on the front of the unit I am in and saw the neighbors going by even with only seeing their feet. No one really stopped but they slowed down in front of the door. I saw different feet than I have seen before.

I was able to do the writing I had to do quickly because I was listening to healing sounds and it kept me going. I was inspired and I plan to do it again. I kept seeing the feet circling in the hallway. Kids playing and baby strollers going by which was unusual. I do hear the neighbors and their children but not all the time. The baby that is normally crying went by laughing.

I was proud of myself and knew I had been a considerate quiet neighbor. I took off the headsets with out stopping the recording and the computer loudspeakers were playing the sounds. Everyone could hear these weird vibrations sounding like something electrical was really messed up.

I said " Darn those sounds were supposed to go through the headphones and heard someone laughing. They must have been trying to figure out what was broken or what was making the weird sounds.  The harmonics were healing the hallway. I always say that computers teach us humility. Yet it is one of the best laughs I have had in a while. Most of my neighbors are busy people. This was about dinner time.

I hope that it breaks the ice. I started to go down to the floor with karaoke machines because I was making to much noise singing in my unit. I do a pretty good Bon Jovi on Bed of Roses and It's my Life. I do a good Gun n Roses on November Rain. I have my favorites but I did not realize that I could be heard over the whole floor and the people above and below could hear me with out a microphone.

I bet every neighbor I have would vote right now to get rid of the weird sounds and just have me sing. Life is funny in many ways but I thought of the people upstairs trying to hear where the appliances were broken and just had to laugh. Enjoy your life even if you have to laugh at yourself. Laughter and joy in life bring us closer to everything good that prevents our having a good attitude.

True Humility- thoughts on thinking only of yourself

True humility is intelligent self respect which keeps us from thinking too highly or too meanly of ourselves. It makes us modest by reminding us how far we have come short of what we can be.Ralph W. Sockman

I tried to write on a screen play I am doing today. I know after trying to use the free software I am going back to the paid software which is easier. I had about despaired but found I had registered the software so even if I lost it on my computer I could get help. I was able to upgrade the program even with my last laptop no longer functioning. I was so relieved. In the new download it had the message when done. Please register your program and protect your money and your investment.

I feel that computers, software and many of the social networks today teach humility and lessons. I see so many people promoting others that are really promoting themselves. I am good at doing the work and not good at promoting myself. I always feel that my work should speak for itself. Yet others judge you and think of the things they would do. I have had people who never contacted me say people should beware of me because I ask for money, do not give a business address, and do not give a phone number.

I work through email because it is easier. I use SKYPE for conference calls because it is cheapest, and is not a phone number people can call where I am woken up through out the day and night. Yes that has happened with people insisting I heal them because I should do this work for free. I do not give an address because the business is on the web. Yet this person felt that they could judge me because others had caused them problems.

So what do we do with our lives. Do we pick apart others for no reason. I notice some people have looked at my photos and said everything in them could be explained by my knowing photo shop. I do not have photo shop at all on my computer and just know how to crop and lighten. Yet they told me complex ways to do things that I had never thought of doing and their photos looked like they did them that way. The person harassed me for months.

How does this connect to humility? All these people were thinking of themselves. They never once looked at the photos with fascination. They never once thought how it would feel to be called up in the middle of the night or early morning and wake up everyone in the household yelling at me over the phone that I had to heal them. They missed out on the whole point of interacting with others.They thought only of themselves.

Humility is all about how you feel about yourself. A humble person can be said to have low self-esteem at times. In our world we do not put ourselves in the other persons place or think I would not want that done to me. In our world we think I took great photos but hers are better so I will say she is a phony. So should this also be that empathy is part of being humble. I think so because most of the humble people of the world loved others and always thought of them differently than what we do today. 

I can see it in my own life and promise myself each day to put myself in the place of others and show compassion to them. I hope all of you think about a daily promise so that you think more of others. It may be the nicest thing you have done for yourself. I may use examples from my life but every person I admire through out history has had similar issues. Maybe humankind will show the divine side of itself when they think more of others in their lives. We may hear we should put ourselves as number one but we are part of a community. Every thing we are as a person good or bad is shaped by the people we are around. Our teachers, family, friends, community and world. We are not only ourselves.

Jealousy, Comparision and Competition

The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires.
Dorothy Corkville Briggs

Comparisons and competition are the surest way to lose friends, respect, and make yourself hateful to everyone. We become jealous of others because we have doubts about ourselves. We do not live in truth realizing that no one is the same as the another person. So we are unable to duplicate the talents of another person. We are all different and blessed with different talents.

I have always enjoyed a good discussion. I have had many problems with people willing to fight to the death over the fact that they were right. If I was right it was a permanent insult to them. They doubted themselves and I was the cause of it so they became angry. If I did something I wanted to do or that they wanted to happen to them they became jealous. It was why did that happen to her as I deserve that to happen to me. They competed and most of the time we did not end up friends no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

I always wonder how they can make their life so miserable by trying to prove they are the best. They have fun trying to shame and humiliate the person instead of moving on from the past. You can never change your life occurrences so the past will always have an influence. You tell what happens with your life and if it is bad people say you are clinging to the past. It can be true or just a statement of facts.

The problem is when the past is all about your competing and being jealous of others. I always try to forgive myself and the other person and move onward. Jealousy is destructive and like a war. You can win and destroy everything you love, and want in your life. Are you a jealous person or compare yourself to everyone and compete with others to show how you are the best? If you do think how much fun it would be to just be yourself and have joy in your life.

  

Do Most People Ignore Divine Help and Mercy?

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. (Psalms 116:1-2 NIV

I know that I had the Bible sort of shoved down my throat when I was a child. I was so sick and tired of going to bible school that it took me years to go back into a church. Yet I always prayed to God. I have studied many different religions and am of the opinion that God is the same God in all of them just with different names and shapes. People can not understand or perceive God in his entire form. So it seems to make sense why there are different religions.

I work with people who are of different religions and having problems. If they were able to hear God's voice and advice it would change many peoples lives. I do work where things improve for them and it is always by connection through God and helping them to reconnect to the divine energies in their lives. Yet when I ask them if anything has changed most of the time I do not hear it has changed. I always have to state have things started to go better in the little ways. Just a day that goes right.

I have had multiple problems recently and yet I know God heard my voice. I was about ready to give up and two people showed up and helped me. I had lost my faith in what I heard and I was shown that I was right but I had ignored the voice of guidance and did things the hard way.

How many times do we ignore the things that happen because we want a big change and do not appreciate the progression of small changes that brings about the positive results where a big change can occur. I have had people act like I am supposed to be perfect and not have problems when I do have problems. I also have them get upset at me because they depend upon me.

I have had internet problems and other problems trying to live in a foreign country and most people do not even understand what that is like unless they have lived in another country. Yet God has heard my voice and shown mercy to me where people help me.

Look at your lives and see if the little things have been moving you towards the good things. The love of  your life, a good job, a better place to live. Maybe most people are to impatient and try to shape and control their life instead of giving it over to the command of the divine so he can shape it in the best way. It may mean there are rough times before a good result happens but good results always happen once you do the decisions in the best way and remove the expectations of everything and everyone being perfect. Nothing is perfect except the divine.

Being Thankful

1. "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
-- Oprah Winfrey

I have finally done it. Made it so I have a way to live here and not have to worry about how to get my money from the United States to the Philippines. I started this journey because I needed a new life. I never expected some of the surprises that I did have in my life in 2012. Yet I kept working on making my own life better and doing the best that I can to be a good person.

The only way I survived this is through the kindness of others, and the fact that I did have some savings in the Filipino banks. Yet if you would have told me the ups and downs of moving to another country I would have been surprised. I know some people have felt that I let them down. Most of the people have just been happy I am OK.

I have to be thankful for the people I have met that were kind to me, my online friends, and just luck or help from God in general. It depends upon how you want to put it in your life. I know that God showed up in my life where I did have people help me when I had problems both here and in the states. I now have to get my website better known again. I will do this the best that I can but it has not been easy. I had just redone my website and still need to figure out how to do meta tags.

Life has its ups and downs but at least I am OK and able to live in a new apartment with working air conditioning and plumbing. The other apartment cost more also and they never repaired anything. The new place is a little larger and they fix things. So I have to be grateful for finding the new apartment. 

I want to thank everyone for all of their kindness and emails.

Surprises-Learning things the hard way

I have been finding solutions for the problems I have been having in the Philippines. I am living alone here and most people do not realize how hard it is to learn the rules in a new country. Just the banking and immigration rules can be hard to do. I know that I try to be an organized person yet life can make things so they surprise you.

One of the characteristics of the dream is that nothing surprises us in it. With no regret, we agree to live in it with strangers, completely cut off from our habits and friends.
Jean Cocteau 

I felt this way recently when I was unable to access my money. I never would have thought that would happen to me. I have always been kind to others and when they say they will do something I believe them. Yet here I am in a country that I hoped to make my home having problems.

Everyone knows the rules but because you are a foreigner you can cope. Then life throws a curve ball at you where you do not know what to do. I always thought it would be easy to access money but it has been like a chain of events. You need this to do that and that to do this.

Once you do learn the rules it surprises you. I was told the embassy would help out if I really needed them. I went to the embassy and the only thing that they said they would do is pester all my friends and loved ones for the money to get a ticket to go home. I can do that myself.

None of the things that made up the world happened here and I had to endure through the new rules so I am doing OK but it is not easy to learn the hard way. Yet it has been my dream and this quote applies because I was surprised when I should not have been surprised. I knew it was a different country and have to figure out how to work around the rules.

Challenges in the Philippines

No one has heard from me and that is not because I have been ignoring people. I have a credit card and it expired in April. They mailed the credit card to my US address and would not mail it to my Philippines address. I asked my ex husband to send it to me and he said that he never received the card. It blocked me from receiving the money.

I had to set up a Philippines paypal account which would not work with out a debit card. I tried 6 banks and I finally found one that worked this week to allow me access to my money. I have been unable to contact people because here the phones and the Internet are prepaid which means you have to have money to access them. I will have a permanent Internet with some help from a family I met where I live.

Life is funny as I had given up hope because I really had no friends here and the few friends I did have were not in touch with me much. They had been working, and just living their lives and did not answer my texts. I felt funny asking them for help and had not been talking to them much.

I have a crooked agent for my apartment who has been taking the owners money and not repairing things and trying to get rid of me since I found a way to complain about her. In the Orient agents represent the owners of a unit that you rent. She was not giving me proper receipts so I paid the property manager which made her upset. She showed up and threatened to clamp me out of my apartment even though she had been present and knew that I had paid properly. He gave her the money in front of me and a receipt that I had paid him.

The money problems then started because of not having access to the pay pal funds, and I just started to starve. I did not have money to do much of anything and the only thing that saved me is that I had started a bank account that had some pesos in it. I could not afford to get on the Internet or charge my phone with time which is what they call a load here.

The couple had not seen me for about 2 weeks because I was just starving in my apartment and unable to do much of anything. The agent had the neighbors harassing me that she had renting from her. I did my normal prayer and just figured that if God wanted this to happen I had at least finished the major part of my work. They showed up and brought me food, and let me use the Internet where I could get some things straightened out.

My website is back up and I have to reset everything but life is a great deal better for me. I still have a great deal to do including 9000 emails and I can not access my nita@astralhealer.com mail account at the moment. Please use ashirahickok@gmail.com. I am also having problems with my Facebook so it will be straightened out in a few days. I had things set up for the Filipino Paypal but it did not work with the banks and it has taken me 6 banks to get it straight. So life has challenges and I ask that you forgive me for not being in touch and I will get in touch with everyone.

Purification

"The beginning is purification, that's the first step. And purification means purification of body and mind. You don't purify the body without cleansing the mind; that's the way it works."

-- Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE Purification means different things to different people. Purity is a concept for the marriage and in women in Judaism and the Muslim religions. Christianity has it where you are a good woman. All of them indicate a standard of behavior that has been forgotten. I am a woman that thinks of a man as a person someone to love and have fun with in my life. Enjoyment of companionship and trusting the man is very important. Yet how has this been perverted in daily life? Why do we think of things differently. It is because we are shown standards of behavior and action by movies and TV. People forget this is entertainment and for amusement purposes only. Who would watch a good woman or pure woman's life unless they are fighting for some cause or standing up for themselves. It would be so boring it would not make good entertainment. People of the fifties enjoyed that sort of TV and everyone nowadays makes fun of the old shows. I used to love Easyriders as a movie. Yet I watched it a few years ago and had to laugh. I had to think did we really talk that way all of the time? No wonder it drove our parents crazy. I loved motorcycles and started to ride one after I left home. Everyone else had a sexual revolution and I had more of a personal freedom revolution. I was made fun of because I was so innocent and most 15 year old knew more about sex than I did. I had been kissed once at 18 and that was it. Life has happened to me and I know more now. Yet I still am that innocent girl in my mind loving men and thinking of them like they are just so wonderful. Now men have thoughts of women as being knowledgeable and think they know as much as what people used to call whores. No one thinks of men and women in the same way. Our thoughts are perversions in many ways. Most of the stuff we do should be saved for that special person. I can see having fun but how do we do it. Is it like I am a sex machine and can tear their heart out or is it they are wonderful and I love them. People in the US and other places will make fun of religious women and people who do not put out and do things their way. I always believe that each person decides for themselves. If you want to have purity of thought you have to look at how you treat others. How you think of men or women. Using anyone for sex, money or other actions is not the purpose of marriage. The love, the thinking they are wonderful and just seeing them as themselves is the way to live in truth. I would never have sex with a married man, never pervert anyone else's relationship or cause cruelty to them in anyway. Yet others try to force you into being what they want you to be. They try to lie and people love the most dramatic best lie or they would not watch TV. Lies always try to overwhelm the truth of what people are in their lives. Being strong and enduring. Being your own person and living in truth is what life is all about even with the mistakes and things we blame ourselves for in our lives. We are all sons and daughters of God yet we are here to face and endure from our life challenges. It is how you deal with life that makes you a person of purity.

Trying to Laugh at Life

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” 
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

I always go all the way when I try to do something. Right now I am laughing at myself because classical belly dancing exercises are easier to do than paint my fingernails. I should have tried to learn that when I had good eyesight and steadier hands. Yet I keep going and do not quit.Who could have known?

It is the same way with my work. I do weird stuff and set off everyone's weird stuff O'meter. My clients are afraid to tell me what they are experiencing because everyone else has made fun of them and they feel so isolated. Many times it just helps them to have someone to talk too that is not making fun of them so they can relax and work out solutions.

I do not really tell what I do because of the ways I have been mocked, put down and isolated by people who have mistaken perceptions about what I do. The things I deal with are scary and no one including me wants them to exist in anyone's life. Yet when it happens the mockers make fun of the people who have me help them.

I feel I am a servant of God. I could do nothing with out God allowing it and helping me. Yet people always try to claim I am evil if they have no knowledge of what I do. I have to study the evil things to know how to ask divine energies to remove them. I have that knowledge and learned the hard way how evil others can be. I try to show my love of God by doing this and letting him be the judge and release. I try to do the right thing and be the right person.

Yet there is always mockery and isolation. People do not understand or care. It teaches you how to endure and like yourself. I always say that I will stand before God to tell him about my life and that I made mistakes. Yet I try all the way to be a person that will not be embarrassed to say what I do and how I acted to God. It keeps me safe.

The only way I can release and let go of the things that evil people or things have caused in my life is laughter. I have to have a sense of humor or this work would drive me crazy. I may be crazy any way according to normal standards but I can laugh about that also. At least I am an interesting crazy. None of this bang my head on the wall type.

I am functional in this world and I know that the way people act at times is all according to their own actions and agendas. They are jealous so try to destroy someone. They are hateful and lost someone in their life and try to make it so no one will ever have that person again. They try to destroy others, and ruin them because they are envious and can not do what the other person does. They are greedy and steal when they can get the same thing through God with out having to do anything wrong.

Yet I can still laugh and so should everyone else. Think about how ridiculous some of these things are in our lives. Who would have thought classical Belly Dancing exercises would be easy for a woman who has had bad bones? I must be more flexible than I ever thought possible. I thought painting fingernails was easy and it is the thing I can not do right. So laugh at yourself's and love yourself'. Dance with joy for the adventures of life after all there are other people on those park benches. Other people being mocked, and other people being isolated. You do not have to stay in those places if you laugh at yourself and endure to get out of the things you never thought you could endure.

Being Free

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.”
― Rumi

The dance of life is always hard to do. Life can break you open. It can test you to your deepest core. Others judge your inner core by their belief's and try to make it so you fit into their mental box for you. We are never free when we try to accept others by our own belief's. We trap ourselves into controlling life and God.

Tearing the bandage off is like pulling off the scab where it hurts again. We do this in our lives by living in past hurts and pain. We grieve and wear our sorrow like a bandage because life is not the way we want it to be. Our hopes and expectations were not met. We grieve as if we are able to control our lives and it is not us but divine will and our choices that shape what we do and where we go.

We go where we are needed, and dance in the middle or our battles in the dance of life. The ins and outs, the ducks, the hits and misses. The times we have failed and the times we have done right.  We dance in our own blood when we hurt so bad and still try to stay living because God still wants us here. We keep fighting because we know there is a purpose to us being here.

We may not be anyone special or seem to do things right but we are a beloved one of God. All of us are special and all of us are sons and daughters of God who yearn for our father. Yet a father has to be rough on his children to get them to understand what he is teaching them at times. People hate us, and we hate them. We forget about love for ourselves and others.

We are stereotyped to be judged by others who never get to know us. We are treated with bigotry, judged by our sex, and dance in the pain of our life and our blood. We have people not like our country so they do not like us. They do not like our religion or are so inflexible we are judged by our beliefs. We are never accepted as what we truly are the sons and daughters of God who are trying to find their Father.

The freedom happens when we realize we have always had what we are searching for but never knew how to reach God. The freedom is knowing his love is there no matter what happens in our lives. We are all loved no matter who or what we are. After all God's freedom is living in his love not trying to control our lives.

Death is not the ending

"The journey to the Spirit World is a long one, my friend. But when you die, that doesn't mean that this is the end."
-- —Buddy Red Bow, LAKOTA 

Everyone is afraid of death. Everyone has heard jokes about dying and phrases such "May you be dead for a week before the devil finds out you are gone." that is Irish. A friends comment there is only one way out of life and everyone dies. I have quit breathing myself and had to be brought back to life when I was a child and drowned in the ocean. I traumatized my cousin who said that he would never take me to the ocean again unless my father taught me to swim. I have had my moments recently where I caught a deadly disease MRSA and submitted myself to the will of God and felt he saved me.

I have been a psychic since I was a child. Everyone tries to make you fit into what they perceive as normal. You are told in many ways that you are not seeing things because no one else is sensing them. It is easier on people who are psychic now in some ways as they say they are special. I did not have that benefit when I grew up. It is always a tight rope to walk as you perceive people and things differently. You have to analyze that and make up your own dictionary of explanations. It is like being a trail blazer as there are no rule books or dictionaries telling you what your symbolism and perceptions really mean. You can only read what other people experienced, analyzed and found explanations for their symbols and it does not mean you are the same.

I have been a searcher for years trying to perfect myself and be closer to the divine. I see angels, and demons. I see people as beautiful colors, tunes and melodies and have done so since I was a child. It either means that I have opened up psychic talents which changes my perceptions or I am psychotic as that is what hearing voices is all about in this world. Everyone who has ever been a Saint or spiritual leader would have a good time if they put them all in the same place. I do not include myself in that category but I believe the key word here is functional. Do you have talents and are able to function in life, and rational. Do you function in this world. Are those talents from God because they will bring you good, save you, and make it so you can live in truth. If they are through ego and personal power and not the divine they will only bring you grief even if you get life going perfect. Nothing defies the divine.

Yet the same themes run through out every religion. You die and there is a reward and you get to be with the divine or reborn. In Christianity and Judiasm it is not so much reborn as you have a chance to set your mistakes right. Purgatory is probably the same as the bardo and other places where the dead go to in different religions. It is just shaped differently. Yet death is not the ending and I feel that people need to understand the wonder of it all.

Everyone gets a second chance to correct what they have done wrong in every religion. You get to look at and perfect yourself with an eternal immortal soul that has a choice to live again or come back in spirit. You have a kind loving energy you are in with none of the worries of the world. You are seeing the eternal souls of others you have known and it is beautiful. People are terrified of it as if they will be tortured and punished. Yet in every religion you can turn to the divine and be restored and forgiven where nothing bad will happen to you. You may need to do a great deal of work to perfect yourself but you still are not tortured. You judge yourself and your hell is what your mind puts you through for your own judgements.

So why are people hurt, killed, murdered and harmed every day because of being a nationality, sex, race, or because of greed and jealousy. I do not know as I am not God but I believe it is because of how we make choices in our lives. Each choice puts us in a different vibration, pattern of energy, and level of energy. Bad choices mean that we learn whether those energies are right for us or not. Evil people who love those energies have the challenge of doing something good for others.

The mind of the divine is incomprehensible and no one can understand it. Yet it forms patterns in our lives, matrix's of energies. So once all these patterns and energies come together in a flow it makes it so evil can counterbalance the good flows since this world has dual natures. Evil wins when good people act against their nature and our bigots, hateful and do bad things to others. It mean that humanities choice is what brings us the things we draw to us. I hope to see the Messiah born because we make this place a home for him. Buddha coming back, and all the things that bring spirituality alive.

Yet I am just one of those people with different perceptions and you have to decide what you are and if you want to bring all of this into your life.

Standing Before God

I am not doing a quote this time but more about myself. I have ups and downs in life like everyone else and the question I always ask myself is if I stand before God would I want to tell him what I did. I do this for almost every thing that is a major decision. I know that to many people that makes me seem like a doormat or a fluff bunny which is silly. Yet I have had a few people find that point of view amazing and thought how is it different.

Standing before God is important because spirit makes everything change in your life. I want to be sure that I follow what choices I believe are right. It is harder to do and would be easier on me if I followed the crowd so to speak and acted like everyone else. The reason for this is people would accept me even if what I did was spiritually wrong because all of them did the same action.

It does not make it so I judge others or try to make them follow my path. It does make it so I am more comfortable even if things do not go easy at first. I feel it is living my belief's and have found other literature on different religious belief's say the same thing. Following your spirit, your own drummer or what ever phrase you use to describe it is important.

We are all individuals and have a different set of choices. We decide what we want to do in our lives and how we want to live. A good tool to judge if we are on the right path and making the right choices is by saying would I want to tell this to God. Try doing this in your life as a test and see how much better things can get for you.

Liking yourself

I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.
Ken Venturi

I have always believed that the person to compete with was yourself. I have spent a lifetime watching other people competing with each other. They are not happy because when you compete with someone else you have to act like them and not be yourself. You try to do the things someone else does better or look better.

I have been competing with myself for years and the truimphs are a great benefit. I have lost more weight than I have ever lost before now. So I am happy with the fact that I did something good for myself. I have been persistent when I have been exercising. I am now hoping to see more results because you never notice them when you look at yourself all the time.

I have seen wonderful people trying to be someone else because they are popular or stylish. They are wonderful and being wonderful is always stylish. Yet it is not easy to be yourself and not follow what society is doing where you fit into society. It is more rewarding and interesting than acting like everyone else.

Happiness and joy in life comes from liking yourself and that is not always easy to do. Yet once you do it and enjoy your life you never want to go back to being someone else.

Believe in Your Dreams

".because if you believe in something, and believe in it long enough, it will come into being."  -- Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

I know this is a very true statement for my life. It is a good example of the Law Of Attraction but it is tied into faith. The belief that there is a loving Divine force that listens to us and the energies of divine creation and love occur every time we have a belief that we want to bring into our lives. Our thoughts are three dimensional pictures that bring our lives alive to follow the divine will.

God wants what is best for us no matter what form we worship in and that always brings alive our life choices. We create our own vision of what we want our life to be. We then bring our vision alive through making choices to accomplish that vision. It is called following our dreams.

People are all different in how well they manifest these visions. If we think where am I going to get the money, and have worries and doubts it slows down what is meant to be. Sometimes visions happen which show something that just does not seem to be true. The secret is to never give up on your visions believe in them and trust them. 

We may accomplish part of our goals and think where is the rest of the vision. Many times we are out of sync with our vision and it has to be brought into being. If it involves others they have to be moved in a progression of choices into our vision. Our thanking God for something before it happens will bring it about if we have the belief and faith to know that it will happen. Endurance is something people have to have for a complex life wish. Endurance to trust in God no matter what happens as it is all a progression of choices that moves you into the place you need to be.

Believe in your dreams and follow them. Have faith in your visions and you will be happy in your life as we bring alive God's will by following our visions and dreams.