I had a discussion today with a client of mine about validation. I will do the explanation of validation here according to the Wikipedia Encyclopedia
In psychology and human communication, validation is the reciprocated communication of respect which communicates that the other's opinions are acknowledged, respected, heard, and (regardless whether or not the listener actually agrees with the content), they are being treated with genuine respect as a legitimate expression of their feelings, rather than marginalized or dismissed.
I do agree with this opinion in many ways. Yet if we are judging ourselves and wait for others to validate us it may be a long wait. We have to like our own actions not wait for someone else to notice and give us comments to let us know we are doing the correct thing.
I notice in cases of abuse that causes evil to link to the victims they are all waiting for someone else to validate them and love them. Yet validation is for opinions and communication. They are validated as a person by their actions. Someone has to like themselves and their actions to be validated on the inside. They will never have enough love, nice comments, or happiness in life if they can not like themselves and their actions.
Parents that are abusive many times do not teach ethics or the fact that everything a person does has a reaction to their actions. In other words the repercussions of invalid actions are blurred because the abusive parent does not care if the child is right or wrong in their behavior. It is all about them and their feelings no matter what they do to the child.
Ninety percent of how an abusive person acts is about them. Someone points out some imperfection, ticked them off or made them mad. They are unable to be mad at the person who caused the feelings so take it out on an innocent person or child. Yet many of the victims never realize it is the other persons problems they are suffering for in their lives.
They accept the blame and then wait their entire lives for someone to make them feel right in their behavior and actions. To make them feel loved and place their problems all on the outside when they need to work on the inside.
You can be validated by others but the main person to care about is your own validation. You have to ask yourself did I like my actions? Am I proud of myself even if no one else seems to care? Do I love myself as no one else can do this for me no matter how much they love me. Am I reacting instead of thinking where I let others push my buttons so I act in ways I do not like acting? It is then how to correct any answers to these questions that the person does not like.
The only way to overcome abuse is to not carry it into others lives. It is wrong to take out everything upon others because you can not take them out on the circumstances that caused your feelings. It is hard to overcome the anxiety of others being upset at you no matter what you are doing.
I know I try to do certain things in my life.
1. Know what I did, saw, and reacted to and whether I was right in what I did? I have borderline decisions to make at times. I have to do the best I can and if I have done my best did the person I was helping carry their part of the burden. People do not listen to instructions and many times will not do what others ask yet they will blame the person effectiveness.
2. When abused and treated badly did I stand up for myself and cut the situation loose with forgivness. Abuse is just that and there is no excuse for it and no excuse to put up with it. Instead of complaining everyone is a grown up. If a person has to abuse me I walk away forgive them and will not work with them again.
3. Do I like myself? If I can not like myself when I think of how I acted when something happened then it is obvious that I did not do everything correctly. No one is perfect but I try to make myself and my work the best it can be.
4. Do not try to be a nice person. You either are a nice person or you are not a nice person. Trying to be a nice person just makes you a sucker for the manipulation of others. You know what is right so do it instead of trying to live up to everyone's elses image of you.
5. Perceptions people try to stereotype others and fit them into neat little boxes. It is wrong to do to anyone. They are an individual and should be treated as an individual. If someone tries to fit you into their neat little perceptions of you they are probably a narcissist Borderline Personality Disorder. They cause chaos and harm where ever they go by their trying to fit people into their manipulations, anger, and role playing games. The sad part many people try to fit themselves into their own perceptions and stereotypes of themselves. You are not a constructed persona but a living breathing work of divine life. Honor yourself by not doing this to yourself.
6. Like yourself as you are the only person that can be yourself as a real person.
It is my advice so do not await others to validate you. Validate yourself before listening to anyone else. The only one you can truly believe and depend upon is the divine. They are the only one that will never disappoint you.