Sunday, May 29, 2011

Forgiveness- a way not to empower others

Forgiving someone isn't a sign of weakness it means you refuse to let them hold that power over you and always know respect is earned.

Most people have little experience with understanding what forgiveness really is in our lives. We all rubber stamp our behavior saying we forgive someone. They may cause us hurt feelings, act badly or done something so unforgivable that we say for years they do not deserve to be forgiven. It is a power of ours to not forgive someone who has hurt us even to the day he dies in hopes that they do not get the blessings they would normally. Yet how many of us understand the effect of forgiveness on our lives.

People believe forgiving someone is giving away your control or power over a situation and that it shows approval of others bad behavior. They never put themselves in the other persons shoes when it is something petty and think how could that have happened where this problem occurs. We have all done things that others have needed us to forgive them over or ask to be forgiven by others. Yet people never consider why is forgiveness so important.

Forgiveness is important as the quote says because it releases the energies that people generate that are holding power over you. They have your anger, your hurt feelings, your grief, your sorrow, and the trauma you suffered for the rest of your life.  Once a trauma happens to someone it can affect them in two ways. They can become a victim and be sure that it happens again and again in their mind and energies. They do not know how to release the evil and say good always wins out and every thing will be alright if I make it through this problem. 

I have a friend who is a sheriff and had to solve a case with a brutal rape and murder. The person who did it was easily caught and the victim's family quietly sat through the trial. they listened to every thing said and done while he was given the penalty of life in prison. The defense talked about his childhood and how he was raised and it surprised my friend that the Mother and Father wanted to see the prisoner before he went to prison. He and the other deputies were ready to protect the prisoner. Instead the people talked to him and said they forgave him. They said he should be in prison because he hurt others but they forgave him for what he did to their daughter. They would not suffer for the rest of their life with hatred for him.

My friend said before this happened that the guy had a tough guy attitude. The Mother and Father left and he burst into tears. He killed himself with in a year in prison. The people did not want that to happen to him because they had forgiven him and released the emotions of hatred and revenge. The prisoner did that to himself because the forgiveness released the humanity with in him that knew what he did was wrong.

Forgiveness releases the emotions to what ever belief of the divine that you hold in your life. You release the lower hurt painful emotions to a higher force that understands what happened. No one wants anyone else hurt yet sometimes it can not be prevented. If someone tries to kill you then you have to fight back or die. If you are a soldier you do things that are horrible to mainly help everyone you have grown to be around like a brother. It is not the big deal of political purpose but the fact that you bond like a family. 

Yet at these times it is something that gives you respect to forgive others and yourself. It releases you to a new life of change. If you hold on to revenge and hatred then you trap yourself in the bad cycles. Romance and Family are the hardest ones to forgive. Loved ones are not supposed to act in many ways. We have the best expectations of them and how they should act. Especially brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers as they have books on what a loving family acts like. Expectations make it so we judge others by our standards and then forgive them by our standards. We do not respect them and ourselves and understand that things can happen which make it so bad choices are the only things left. We feel if it did not happen to us then it is something they did wrong and they wronged us.

I have had people tell me forgiveness is rubber stamping bad behavior. I always tell them that forgiveness is releasing the energies. You never have to allow them to be around you again nor do you allow anyone else to act that way to you. It is a sign of respect for yourself, and others. It is also a way to heal so you do not carry emotional baggage around for the rest of your life.

It does take time but the relief of knowing that you are freed from the negative emotions that drag you down is immense. No one can move into the future that is stuck in the past. 

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My blog will be about my work helping others with spiritual problems. I will talk about methods, try to brainstorm on different methods, and many of the problems I encounter and the people encounter with being able to be healed.