Energies of Rituals and Ceremonies

I have been doing magic for a great many years. I looked over some methods that were supposedly developed from Aleister Crowley s works and Thelema. They were supposed to be able to control the abyss. The Abyss in magic is the forces of Chaos, and there is a demon assigned to them.

Aleister Crowley used a method to conjure this force in 1947. I notice the difference in his methods and work after doing this ritual. I would consider something that overcame chaos and restored the power of the Divine and order would be uplifting and pure.

The energies off of the rituals mentioned were more for glorifying Chaos than controlling it. It made a mockery of the divine in every thing mentioned. I wonder if the demon just didn't make a deal with Aleister Crowley saying I will let you live if you will write up ceremonies so I can get millions of people instead of you.

I have had a knee jerk reaction to Aleister Crowley since I first started reading magic books. I just felt dirtied by the energies of his ceremonies later on in his books. His correspondences and reworking of the Golden Bough was interesting but the rest of it said to me that he just missed the point.

I guess it could be said to be an opinion of major ego since he claimed to be an Ipissimus and so special. Yet if the energies do not feel in balance but feel sullied, dirtied and of chaos I will not do the ceremony using that method.

I have wondered since then if I shared a life time with Crowley and just did not like him because I knew what he was and what he did. Either way I have felt a real revulsion to him and his methods. The abyss is a big deal as it put you in a higher rank. Yet I wonder how many people really cross the abyss and earn that rank.

The methods I have seen are more for glorifying the demon than overcoming the challenges which involve dissolution of ego. Keeping yourself in equilibrium and balance and dissolving yourself to be connected to the divine even if only for a moment.

The main thing to gain from this is not my wondering about the truth about the people as much as if a ritual or ceremony feels wrong do not do it. It can trap you in mistakes for a lifetime of problems. It is also to learn that even in magic a higher level magician will sacrifice others many times to save themselves. Why? It is because they feel more important so the others can take the punishment for their mistakes.

I may try to learn some of the ways people are interpreting Hermetic Magic in the new ways of thought about magic. Yet I refuse to do anything that does not feel right to me. If it was meant to be for me then it would not be so loaded with energy I did not like. I learned this lesson many times that the soul will communicate that something is wrong.